She Gives Me A Reason To Smile
by SincerelyCarmillaKarnstein
Summary: Carmilla is having doubts about her relationship with Laura. This isn't the first time this has happened, but Carmilla hopes that this is her last. She just wants to be happy with her Laura. Is that too much to ask for?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I decided to write this poem about how Carmilla feels about Laura.

Carmilla isn't the best at telling or showing how she feels, so why wouldn't she write about it?

I turned it into a short fic because I didn't think that I could just post the poem by itself.

xxx

Carmilla was sitting on a stool at the island in the kitchen with a piece of parchment paper in front of her. She made sure that while writing this poem, she used her beautiful calligraphy as she wrote with a fancy ballpoint pen. The ballpoint pen was black with a crimson red streaks on it that made it look like blood was dripping down it. The parchment looked as though it was ripped on the edges to give it more of an old fashioned look to it.

Laura Hollis, her girlfriend, was working at her job, so the vampire had all the time in the world to do whatever she wanted.

What she wanted, at that moment, was to express her feelings for her girlfriend, Laura.

She wasn't the type to express her emotions verbally, let alone through her actions, but she did her damn best to show Laura anyways.

Laura knows that Carmilla made sacrifices over and over again for her. Her human had never once denied it, although she didn't fully understand why Carmilla did what she did during those times.

Although Laura spent almost every waking moment with Carmilla and sleeps next to her at night, Carmilla always misses her.

Carmilla missing Laura is something that she never welcomes into her heart. Because if she misses Laura Hollis, then it also means that she can lose her.

Her heart breaks every time she thinks about Laura leaving for work because part of her is scared that Laura will not come back.

Every time they fight, Carmilla yells at Laura, shows apathy, pushes her girlfriend away, completely shuts down, cries, or leaves the room like a wounded animal. Doubt floods her mind constantly, but she keeps reminding herself that Laura hasn't left, at least not yet.

She was wiping her eyes as she felt her tears falling down her cheeks, which landed on the paper. Dammit, Carmilla cursed under her breath. She had started this successfully, but the more she thought about Laura Hollis, the more crushed she felt. It took pain staking time trying to come up with the perfect words that accurately described her emotions perfectly.

This was what she lacked, emotions, or so she tried to.

She had spent so much time shutting them down that when she felt emotions, for the first time in centuries, she was lost.

She was baffled by the idea of a human, named Laura Hollis, being able to bring out emotions that she thought were dead, like her body.

She, Carmilla Karnstein, was completely dead, at least in the physical sense. She had been emotionally dead as well, but her mental state was something that had lived on.

Now, as Carmilla sat writing her poem for Laura, the tears wouldn't stop. She had a few more lines to write. It took a couple more minutes until Carmilla had completed it.

She stood up, put it in an envelope, and wrote Laura's name on the front. She leaned the envelope against Laura's laptop, something that typically stayed on the table.

There was a click as the front door to their apartment opened and Laura called out her name.

Carmilla went to their room, made sure to shut the window after she climbed out of it, and laid down on the fire escape. She looked up at the sky and it's brilliant stars were spread out across the darkness.

People are supposed to feel better after they cry, but Carmilla felt worse.

She felt her heart break even more because she heard Laura's movements and the sound of her opening Carmilla's envelope. She didn't want to hear Laura's response, she wanted to shut her out completely.

Maybe, just maybe, if she slowly began to try to erase Laura Hollis from her memory, everything would be easier.

The truth was that Carmilla never wanted to forget about Laura, not now, not ever.

xxx

Carmilla had she wrapped her hand around Laura's throat and said, "You are a selfish callou girl and I am the fool who trusted you."

She remembered how Laura's voice repeatedly told her how sorry she was.

"Burn down everything you've loved for me, Carmilla."

"That's not fair, I didn't ask you for any…"

"Stay away from me!"

xxx

"Have you ever considered that maybe hero isn't one thing that one person was supposed to be by themselves? That maybe in this story, you are my hero and I'm your hero. And maybe it's all of our responsibilities to be heroes for each other."

xxx

"Before all of this, I spent so much time trying to figure out how to keep myself safe. I didn't want to risk hoping too hard and ending up disappointed or loving too much and having too much to lose because it seemed like that was the lesson that the world was trying to teach me, you know? Except now I think that love is worth the risk and it doesn't matter how safe I try and make myself, there is always going to be disappointment and loss, there is no stopping that. Not unless you give up before you even try."

xxx

Laura entered the apartment that she shared with Carmilla and when she called out her name, she found it so odd that Carmilla hadn't appeared. It was a routine that she enjoyed.

Laura would come home from work, Carmilla would be leaning against a wall for her, maybe waiting for her in the kitchen drinking tea, or lying on the couch while reading one of her boring philosophy books. She found it odd that her girlfriend was nowhere in sight.

She made her way to the kitchen and found an envelope with her name written on it. She complimented Carmilla on how beautiful her handwriting was. This envelope felt like a bad omen to her.

There was a few sentences on one piece of parchment paper.

"Dear Laura Hollis,

You are breaking this heart of mine day in and day out, but it isn't your fault.

I wish I could be as strong as you when it comes to dealing with such fickle emotions.

I wish I could be the woman that you could call your girlfriend.

I wish I could be everything you wanted in a partner, but I'm none of those things.

Not anymore, anyways.

I'm so sorry, but I don't feel like I will ever be enough for you.

As time slips away from us, I feel like I'm losing you.

As I begin to lose you, I begin to lose myself.

I don't think that I have much left to give you besides everything that I have already given you.

The last thing I have ever given anybody was my heart, and even that, was locked away for years.

But you, a mere human, was able to cause my heart to beat once more.

You had caused me to feel such raw emotions that I had forgotten about long ago.

You leave me a complete mess every time you walk out that door.

If this is a final goodbye, then I made sure that it was a good one.

Sincerely,

Carmilla Karnstein

xxx

Laura felt fear creeping into her heart as she carefully placed that letter on the table and looked at the next few pieces of paper that went along with the letter.

It was a poem that was just as neatly written as the letter and she read it to herself as she frantically read it.

xxx

You give me a reason to smile,

to laugh,

to feel happiness,

to believe that life is worth living.

You give me a purpose,

a reason to have hope,

to love,

to never give up.

You tell me you love me,

and I actually believe you.

You have saved my life in more ways than one,

and yet,

I feel like I will lose you.

I will lose you to my sadness,

to my woes,

to my anger,

to my demons.

I will lose you by no fault,

but my own.

But you love me.

How is this not enough for me?

Shouldn't I be happy knowing that somebody loves me?

Shouldn't I feel relieved that after three hundred years,

I have found the perfect somebody for me,

who accepts me for who I am?

The truth is that no matter how hard I try,

I will never be enough for you

and I will always fall short.

You love me.

You believe in me.

You want me.

In the end,

I am still a monster through and through,

And not even love can save me.

You are an angel,

a flawed human,

who loves a damned creature of the night.

I will lose you the same way I lost Elle,

through death.

My darkness will consume me.

And I,

I will truly be dead.

There will be no more light

that can make

the shadows flee.

Once upon a time,

I was full of life,

but there is nothing left.

I have nothing left to offer you.

You tell me that I am enough,

that I am a good person,

who has a kind heart.

But my humanity left me long ago,

and sorrow is all I have left

to accompany me for

when you are gone.

I tell myself that I will never lose you,

but doubts poison my mind,

and make me delirious with madness.

As I stare at you as you lie beside me,

I question whether I deserve you.

You deserve better or so I say.

But who am I to tell you what to do?

But who am I to call you a foolish and naive girl for loving me?

Who am I to take away your happiness?

You know not of the love that I speak of.

I have waited for you to enter my life

and now that you are here,

I am losing myself day by day.

You are wiping the sadness from my eyes,

You are bringing life back into my body,

and you have faith that I am more

than who I claim to be.

It is you and your damn yellow pillow.

It is your smile that you smile at me,

your embrace that warms my cold heart,

your voice that soothes me,

and your touch that warms me.

You are mine and mine alone,

just like I am yours,

forever.

When I asked you,

"Do you miss me?"

Your reply was,

"Like someone cut a hole in me."

It was then that I knew that you loved me too,

Just as I have loved you since the moment we met.

But fate is cruel.

It rips all that you are from me.

I tell myself that I can protect you

from the darkness within my soul.

But what if I can't?

What if I lose you to it?

My heart will not be able to take it.

You are, but such sweet sorrow.

You have become a lamb lead to the slaughter.

And I am nothing again,

absolutely nothing,

without you.

xxx

Laura had stood there dumbfounded as she read it and dropped the papers as she ran into every room in the apartment.

She was searching frantically for Carmilla, her girlfriend, her everything.

Her heart was beating faster as she ran from room to room, unable to see Carmilla anywhere.

xxx

Carmilla heard Laura running through their apartment, but she remained where she was. She needed Laura to get used to her not being around for a while.

The vampire had to let her human go, release Laura from her tormented soul.

All that she will ever bring Laura is death and destruction, nothing else.

Her past haunts her and is being brought to life, it's seeping through those wonderful memories that she has made and has yet to make with Laura.

She thought she had let everything go when Laura had entered her life, but she was wrong.

There were demons that she fought constantly on her own, that Laura wasn't even aware of, and that's how Carmilla wanted it.

She could run away, just like she always had done when things became too difficult to handle.

She could vanish into the night and make it so Laura could never find her again.

But something was pulling at her, keeping her there, rooted to the spot.

She felt her fears and insecurities swallow her whole in the abyss that's her mind.

xxx

Laura went to their bedroom and opened the window. She paused for a moment and looked around. She was terrified that Carmilla had done something impulsively and hurt herself.

She almost closed the window before she saw Carmilla lying down in front of the window.

"Carm?"

Carmilla didn't respond, so Laura carefully stepped out of the window, avoiding stepping on her.

Laura laid down right next to Carmilla and was looking up at the same night sky that her girlfriend was.

There were a thousand things running through Laura's mind that she wanted to say to Carmilla, but she felt that words wouldn't reach her.

She glanced at Carmilla before using her hand to reach out for Carmilla's. She held her hand and squeezed it so that no matter where Carmilla was at that moment, she knew that she wasn't alone.

xxx

"Can we pretend, just for tonight, that if I asked you to run away, you'd find some way to leave and just go somewhere without murders or sisters? We could sleep in hotel rooms and never live in the same city twice? There'd be no one to fail, disappoint or save. Just you. You and me in love."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This is a shoutout to Cory Xenos, for making such amazing Youtube videos and this specific fic was inspired after watching her video, "Hollstein - Bloodstream - The phone call sessions".

I want to thank "IdkImAwkward07" for giving me the push I needed to write more because there is more to this story, their story.

I'm writing these from Carmilla's and Laura's POVs.

P.S.

Yes, I know that a lot of my fics have been super angsty, but that's pretty much all I can write right now.

Maybe I'll figure out what the hell is bothering me so much that it's being expressed in my writing.

Even if I do find out, I'm not sure that I would want to deal with it.

Running isn't an option, trust me, I have tried, but I can't escape whatever is getting to me.

xxx

~*Carmilla*~

I was lying on the couch with my feet propped up while I had the book ,The Hours by Michael Cunningham, in my hands. I take very good care of my books, whether I own them or not. This copy that I owned was paperback, so of course, it has been through a lot. The pages have been dealing with a war of its own and it was a hell of a lot easier dealing with than the war I was having within my heart.

Laura was fast asleep in our bed because she had to be awake in the morning for work. It was like that was all that she had focused on for the past few months. She knew that I wasn't going anywhere because how could I leave her?

How could I leave someone that has my heart and soul?

Someone who is my everything.

Someone that gives me a purpose.

Someone that loves me beyond a doubt.

But still, I doubt.

xxx

Ever since the ordeal that we went through together, the one that I had caused, Laura has been more distant than ever.

I could see her hesitate when she reaches for my hand, it wasn't the same confident action that she had done before.

Her tone of voice might have sounded so cheery when talking to me, but I knew that it was an illusion that she kept up just for me.

Even her kiss didn't have the same taste. It was once so sweet, but now, it tasted so bitter.

But my Laura isn't bitter.

xxx

Why did I ever write that damn letter and poem for her?

What did I think would happen after I wrote her a confession letter?

Did I think that everything would fall into place?

Have I caused damage that is irreversible?

xxx

I haven't been able to look her in the eyes since that night and even though we sleep next to each other, we might as well be strangers.

Whatever is happening between us is tearing us apart. I have been wanting to fix this, I wanted to fix us, I wanted to fix me.

But the truth is that maybe there is nothing to fix because we have been broken for a long time, much longer than this.

xxx

~*Laura*~

I was lying in our bed and holding onto my yellow pillow, wishing that it was Carmilla.

We had started a routine that I completely hated, but Carmilla, being a stubborn ass, wasn't making any effort to change things between us.

Did she even care?

Was she reverting to her heartless self that she had become when her mother was in her life?

xxx

I remember Carmilla saying to me, "The point is, if nothing means anything then the only thing that means something is what we make. You know? I mean, look at me. I used to use hopelessness as an excuse for all of the awful things that I did.

Until this...prissy little overachiever that I was...totally planning on handing over to my Mother unravelled all of my plans. Because she thought we all deserved better. Even me.

And, yeah, you are flawed. And struggling, and uncertain, but it is so beautiful. The way you try."

xxx

And I know that she felt my words, as well as the kiss, when I said, "To hell with "light and casual". I don't want to be light and casual with you. I don't want to pretend like what I feel about you is some stupid frothy thing that doesn't matter, because it is like the axis that my world turns on.

And yeah, we could talk ourselves out of it because, this is scary and, and hard, and, and maybe the world is about to end, but if it is, then I want us to have something good to hold on to. I love you. Why shouldn't that be something good?"

xxx

I want to break through her walls like I did before all of this happened.

Her armor was cracking and I saw a glimpse of what Carmilla looked like: A scared woman that had lost so much, a hopeless woman that tried to never cling onto something that might give her even an inkling of hope, and a passionate woman that loved me to no end.

She might be pushing me away, but that's her weird way of protecting me. She believes that maybe, if she pushes hard enough, I'll walk away. That if she leaves me first, then she won't have to watch me as I walk away from her.

But I wasn't going to walk away and I wanted her to know that.

We have been together long enough that she should know that if I wanted to leave, then I would, but I haven't.

I don't want anybody, but her.

I sometimes wonder if she gets that or not.

xxx

~*Carmilla*~

I was furious with myself that I allowed Laura to see me like that, so weak and helpless. I gripped tightly onto the pages of my book and tore them in one quick movement. The pages scattered all over the linoleum floor and I used a match to set it on fire, along with the rest of the book.

I watched as the flames licked the paper in a seductive manner and smoke was rising up.

The smoke detector was going off and I used my fist to break it so that it didn't wake up Laura.

xxx

~*Laura*~

I was about to fall asleep when I smelled smoke and heard the smoke alarm go off, along with a loud banging noise.

I was clutching onto my yellow pillow as I ran into the living room and saw Carmilla being surrounded by flames and pieces of our smoke detector were by her feet.

I ran into the kitchen, still holding onto my yellow pillow, and went to retrieve something to put out the flames.

After I extinguished them, I was sweeping up the remainder of whatever was left of the book that Carmilla had burnt to a crisp.

"Are you crazy?! You could've burnt the whole apartment down!"

After I cleaned the mess and put everything, I put my yellow pillow down on the couch, a safe distance away from any harm.

Carmilla didn't respond, but glared at me the entire that she watched me clean up.

"I can't believe you were so inconsiderate that you would wake me up! You know that I have to wake up early in the morning to go to work. Why are you being such a pain in the ass?"

"Oh, I'm being a pain in the ass? At least I'm not the one that isn't making any effort in this!"

"In this? What the hell are you even talking about?"

"I'm talking about our relationship, Hollis!"

"It's Laura, not Hollis."

"Who cares how I address you at this particular moment?"

"I care, Carm! I thought that we had pushed past this and..."

"Pushed past what, Laura? The fact that you don't want me anymore? The fact that you don't need me anymore? What was I to you, just an experiment? Was I just something that you wanted to experience and then throw away?"

"Don't you dare say that! You don't know how I feel! You can't just go around and, and assume how I feel when you never asked me! You tell me not to judge you and how you feel, but you're doing the exact same thing to me right now!"

"You have no right to say that to me, Laura Hollis."

"And why not?"

"Because my heart is bleeding for you. It's breaking and is slowly shattering into a thousand pieces because of you. You just came into my life, unexpected, and you think that it's okay to make me feel things that maybe I don't want to feel? I didn't choose to fall for you, it just happened!

One moment, you're this girl that I had to seduce to bring you to Mother and the next, you're the one that I fight my own Mother for, who I protect from her.

So yes, Laura Hollis, I have every right to say those things to you.

Maybe in your little fantasy world where we can play house, everything is all perfect with rainbows and sunshines, but that's not reality! You have to wake up from this place of make-believe and see me for who I really am.

Do you know who I really am, you foolish girl? I'm a monster.

What Elle said was true, I'm a monster and that is all I will ever be, regardless of what you think or believe."

"But you're not one, you're not a monster, Carmilla."

"Even you hesitate when trying to deny that I am one."

I tried to reach out to touch her, but Carmilla backed away from me.

"Please Carm, don't back away from me. I want to…"

"Rescue me? I'm not a damsel in distress. I was doing perfectly fine without you in my life and I can always find someone to replace you."

I knew that what Carmilla said about replacing me wasn't true. Carmilla was using her words to hurt me and she always knew exactly what to say to break me.

xxx

(For this part, I decided to put who said each line from Season 2 of Carmilla, The Webseries, so some of them are taken out of context.)

L: "Clearly, there are feelings, that we have for each other, things are also complicated with the past and with us being really different people."

xxx

C: "Don't you think death can be beautiful? I am Death, trod under a fair maid's feet."

L: "No you're not."

xxx

L: "The thing about what you said about drinking the Anglerfish's blood, do you think it would've killed you?"

C: "I don't know. Would you care?"

L:"How can you say that? Do you think I hid you here after everything because I don't care, because the thought of something happening to you doesn't make me feel like I can't breathe?

And I don't know how I'm supposed to feel around you or what I'm supposed to do because, you kiss me and it, it cracks me open and all of my stupid messy hopes come tumbling out in maybe's and someday's and how is that fair?"

C: "Well, who the hell cares about fair?"

L: "I do."

xxx

C: "I'd like to think that you could love me instead of some romantic ideal you've made up in your head."

Xxx

L: "I can't."

C: "Why not?"

L: "Because right now, I'm really hoping that this means that you're going to change."

xxx

L: "What am I supposed to think you're all caring about people who are not so stupid pop tart."

C: "Is that what you think of me?"

L: "No, I…"

xxx

C: "You can't expect all of that to evaporate because I love you. That's part of who I am, Laura."

xxx

L: "Maybe it's better if we just acknowledge that there are feelings, but that it would never work out, clearly it's getting in the way so maybe it's best if we just tried to be friends."

xxx

C: "You haven't listened to a single word I've said."

L: "I don't know what you want me to say, Carm."

xxx

C: "God, it used to drive me nuts when I would do things for you, that were so clearly only for you and you'd say…"

L: "I know you didn't just do it for me."

C: "Until I realized it was because you wanted me to be doing what was right for some reason beyond the fact that you wanted me to."

xxx

L: "After we have everything settle down, we can talk, if we survive."

C: "If we survive."

L: "Goodnight, Carm."

C: "Goodnight."

xxx

~*Carmilla*~

"Do you miss me?" I asked, knowing that I had asked Laura this before.

I wanted to hear her reply with, "Like someone cut a hole in me".

But Laura just stood there silently, looking past me, looking at something that I couldn't see.

xxx

~*Laura*~

When Carmilla had asked, "Do you miss me?", I knew how I should reply because she had asked me this many years ago.

I wanted to reply the way I had before by saying, "Like someone cut a hole in me", but I wasn't able to.

I couldn't do that because what I was feeling was more than someone cutting a hole in me. It went so much deeper than that and it went so far down that it was tearing at my soul.

All I could do was stand there in silence and looking at her. That look on her face is something that I will never be able to erase from my memory.

The worst part?

I had caused that.

I had so many thoughts running through my mind that I forgot that Carmilla was there, standing in front of me.

xxx

~*Flashback*~

Carmilla and I were carrying boxes into our new cosy apartment that was beyond expensive!

I was losing my mind when I saw how much it actually cost and that was when Carmilla had assured me that she could afford it a thousand times over.

I bet Carmilla could afford to buy her own island with a castle, a drawbridge, a mansion, a moat, and all those other fairytale like features.

Carmilla, of course, was showing off her vampire skills by caring in more boxes in one hand than I could carry with two.

After only a few hours, all of our boxes were in the apartment.

Thankfully, the movers had brought in all of the furniture that we had, or should I say, Carmilla had.

The furniture, mainly the bed, was from the Dean's apartment at Silas University.

Sure, I was creeped out before that we slept in the bed that Carmilla's mother slept in, but it was a nice bed.

Plus, it was all free, so it only made sense to bring it with us, even if it's tough at times to think about what happened there.

"I think that there's too much sun in this place and it's like a unicorn vomited all over the walls and furniture."

"You need a lot of color into your life and I'm the one to do that for you!"

"Barf."

"I'm serious, Carm, you can't keep wearing...that."

I said this as I looking at what Carmilla was wearing.

Today, of of all days, she decided to wear black skinny jeans instead of her infamous leather pants.

"Well Creampuff, you can always be the one to get me out of my clothes."

Carmilla winked and my entire face became red from embarrassment.

"T-That's not what I was saying!"

"Of course not, Cupcake."

"I was just saying that I'm surprised that you're not wearing your leather pants."

"Are you saying that I don't look good in my black skinny jeans?"

Carmilla raised an eyebrow.

"No, I'm just saying that…"

Carmilla was now standing in front of me and smirking.

All I could do was stare into her dark eyes.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Shut up, Carm!"

My girlfriend laughed and it was such a beautiful sound that could never be replicated.

She held out her hand, I took it, and she twirled me around before wrapping me in her arms.

"You know how much I love you, right?"

Carmilla chuckled, "Of course, I do."

"No, I'm serious Carmilla, don't you know how much I love?"

"Apparently not, so tell me."

"I love you so much that every time that you're away from me, I can't breathe. I love you so much that every time you say my name, I never want to hear you stop saying it. I love you so much that every time you hold me in your arms, I don't ever want to leave your embrace. I love you so much that every time you kiss me, it's like you put me under a magical spell. I love you so much that every time you touch me, it's like you're speaking a language that only my soul can understand. I love you so much that…"

Carmilla silenced me with a kiss.

In that kiss alone, Carmilla was showing me just how much she loves me.

The best part?

She didn't have to use her words to describe it like I did.

xxx

~*Carmilla*~

"You don't have to say anything, Laura, I have my answer."

Once I said Laura's name, she came out of her trance.

"What?"

"I said that you didn't have to tell me what your decision was. I could see it written on your face."

Laura frowned, "Carm, what are you even talking about?"

"You don't want there to be an us anymore."

I whispered as I was trying to hold back the sobs that were like a damn ready to burst.

"Carmilla, I…"

I didn't want to hear Laura's answer, I just wanted to leave.

I grab my leather jacket and bolt towards our bedroom so that I could climb out onto the fire escape the way I had done when I had Laura read my confession letter and poem.

Instead of bothering to close the window, I just grip tightly onto the railing.

I hear the sound of Laura running towards the window and she had this look of freight on her face. She ran out onto the fire escape and was gripping tightly onto the railing as she watched me fall.

I let go of the railing so that my feet could touch the ground and I look up at Laura for what maybe the final time.

"You are a selfish callou girl and I am the fool who trusted you."

xxx

~*Laura*~

I heard Carmilla say, "You don't have to say anything, Laura, I have my answer."

I responded with, "What?"

I heard Carmilla say, "I said that you didn't have to tell me what your decision was. I could see it written on your face."

I frowned, "Carm, what are you even talking about?"

That wasn't fair of Carmilla!

What the hell is going through her mind?

"You don't want there to be an us anymore."

"Carmilla, I…"

Carmilla had ran straight out of the room while grabbing her leather jacket on the way and heading towards our bedroom.

Damn you, Carmilla!

I knew that she can run faster than me, but I was doing my best to keep up with her.

Maybe this was how our relationship was, with her one step ahead of me.

Maybe she only slowed down so that I could catch up.

But she wasn't going to slow down anymore.

As I ran into the bedroom that we once shared, she was climbing out the window, and I followed her.

She was gripping tightly onto that railing and she did it so tightly that her skin looked even paler, if that was even possible.

I was scared that she was going to jump and if she did, it would kill her, but she wasn't human.

I'm sure that it would hurt like hell, but was she so willing to escape me that she would risk hurting herself?

The look in her eyes had told me, "Yes", even if I wanted them to say, "No".

I ran to the railing and gripped it just as tightly as she had, which caused my hands to hurt so much that I had no doubt that it would be aching for a long while after.

I saw her fall, but it was like time had slowed down.

Instead of her plummeting to her death or landing on the ground roughly, she did so elegantly, with such a grace that no human would ever have.

She gave me a final goodbye not by words, but by that damn look in her eye.

As Carmilla ran away, she took my heart with her.

And just like that, I was alone, all over again, without the love of my life.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I was trying to decide whether I should write in third person like the first chapter or go with Carmilla's and Laura's POVs like in the second chapter.**

 **I thought that it would be better to go with the latter since it gave more insight into their thoughts. If I write in third person, I wouldn't be able to do that.**

 **~*Carmilla*~**

I was so scared of being abandoned by her, whether it was real or not, that I left first. I thought that I could stay with her, I thought that we could continue to build a life together, but was there any point anymore?

I know that she was overwhelmed with her work, but I thought that she would at least keep that at work. They always tell you that work should stay at work, but I guess she was too passionate about her job hat she didn't do that.

She repeatedly would tell me how she hated her job because she was stuck in a cubicle all day long. I told her that we could've gone to Paris, one of the most romantic cities in the world. She said that she couldn't just uproot her entire life to leave.

She kept trying to convince herself that this was her dream job or that all she had to do was stick with it until she made it to the actual job she wanted. How can you live a dream when you're stuck in a box? How can you live your life knowing that you're unhappy?

I couldn't stay any longer because I didn't want to see her continue to going down the path of unhappiness since she was dragging me down with her. She was wearing me thin and I couldn't handle it anymore.

 **xxx**

There was a coffee shop that Laura used to frequent up until last month, so I decided to make that my hangout spot despite not needing to eat food. I would go at night for obvious reasons. Sometimes, I would go during the day, to punish myself for leaving her.

Why was it that I kept punishing myself over something that I had no control over? Maybe I was holding onto Laura, at least memories of who she used to be, that I was blinded to the fact that she was her own person.

She never had to be dependent on me, but maybe, I thought that was the only use that I had. It was an illusion that I created in my mind that she needed protecting, even from myself.

 **xxx**

As I sat in this uncomfortable and hard chair, I began to miss my books, the ones that I had collected over centuries. Every one of my books was still back in the apartment and I had no desire to go back there.

Laura might not be there, but everything there reminded me of her. If it wasn't her scent, then it was memories that we had made there.

I could look at a corner of the apartment and have a memory of that which probably involved us painting the walls together. They were a hideous orange color that made one dizzy when staring at it.

 **xxx**

The aroma of coffee welcomed me, but it also made my stomach churn. I preferred my coffee black, but everyone here, didn't like that. God forbid, they run out of sugar, creamer, and all of that synthetic flavors. Would they end up dying or going through withdrawal?

So there I was, sitting in a coffee shop, people watching. They didn't have any good taste in books. What they referred to as books consisted of tween books, Twilight, and the Fifty Shades of Grey. They also had those romance novels that were basically the same thing every time, except written by different authors. You can change the names and locations, but it's really all the same.

People watching must be what people do because nobody was bothered by it. My coffee order wasn't as complicated as the college student coming in, ordering something that sounded more like a foreign language than a coffee order.

I have had countless of girls come up to me for a chat, but I ignored them. I wasn't interested in any of them, the only person that I wanted to be with was Laura.

I thought everything was going to well until I looked up at the door after the bell signified that someone crossed the threshold.

I saw Laura enter and my heart stopped. She was wearing a cream colored sweater and boring looking blue jeans with her chuck taylors that she wore everywhere.

I decided to move as far away from the front counter as possible so that she couldn't see me. If I wanted to, I could use my "vampire superpowers", as Laura referred to them as, to be used to my advantage.

She ordered a coffee and sat down at a table with two chairs. This made me curious and then my heart began to sink when I saw that there was a familiar redhead that came a few seconds after Laura.

Danny had sat across from Laura and they had their heads close together, the same way that we used to do when having an intimate conversation. I heard Laura laugh because of something that Danny said and it made whatever I was feeling a lot worse than before.

I wanted to intervene, but I had no right. Laura was an adult, she could make her own decisions and live her own life, even if I'm not in it anymore.

 **~*Laura*~**

I was surprised to receive a call from Danny one morning. Ever since Silas University, Danny had become an advocate for vampires and she had known about how I was struggling with Carmilla leaving.

I didn't know where she was, but Danny informed me that she had seen her around town, mainly at the coffee shop.

During my time at Silas, I did try to make Carmilla jealous of Danny so that she would make her move. I wanted her to step up to asking me out because I was tired of waiting.

The funniest part was when she did start to flirt with me, I sometimes wasn't sure if she really was or was trying to push my buttons.

After one of my long phone calls with Danny, she suggested that we meet in person to talk about how I could win Carmilla back and she thought that the coffee shop was the best place.

I didn't intend to meet with Danny to make Carmilla jealous, I honestly needed help figuring out what to do. I was at my wits end trying to figure out how to repair things with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend? It wasn't really established what we were now.

 **xxx**

So there I was, ordering my coffee and sitting at the table. I thought that I had caught a glance of Carmilla from the corner of my eye, but when I looked at the chair, nobody was there.

Danny had come in a few seconds after me and just sat directly in front of me. I knew that since Danny was a vampire now, she had heightened senses.

After she sat down, I felt relief wash over me because this meant that I was _finally_ able to get help on how to solve this, whatever it was.

It was hard for me to hear Danny in such a crowded area, so we leaned in close to talk. I was laughing at something Danny said about a memory at Silas that involved Carmilla. It was about how she had repeatedly stolen my yellow pillow.

I was surprised that despite us breaking up, she hadn't brought it with her. I guess that she didn't want to be reminded of me.

 **~*Carmilla*~**

I felt my blood boil the closer that Laura got to Danny. I could tell that even if Laura wasn't able to pick up on it, Danny had noticed that I was hiding in the corner, watching everything.

As they continued to talk, Danny had put her hand on Laura's arm, as if she was reassuring her about something. Maybe I was reading too much into Danny's hand touching Laura, but I couldn't stop myself from being furious with.

What gave Danny the right to touch _my_ Laura?

I know that I broke up with Laura, but it didn't mean that I had stopped having feelings with her the moment that I left.

I'm not sure what pissed me off more, the fact that I couldn't hear what they were saying or the fact that Danny had gotten so much closer to Laura that their foreheads touching.

Danny had her eyes look away from Laura and stare directly into mine.

Did she have a smile on her face because she was "winning" Laura over?

 **~*Laura*~**

I saw Danny smile at someone at the corner of the coffee shop, but I still didn't see anything.

"What are you smiling at, Danny?"

Danny had turned her attention back to me, "Oh, nothing."

She paused for a moment before moving away from my face, "So, what's the plan, Laura? Have you thought about how to win Carmilla back?"

I sighed, "No, but it's so much harder because I don't know where she is."

"She'll probably appear out of nowhere, like she normally does."

"I have seen girls come up to talk to her though."

"They did what?!"

"Don't fret, Carmilla had completely ignored them and showed how uninterested she was."

"She didn't bring any of them with her?"

"No. Look Laura, Carmilla might have been the one to break up with you, but I can tell that she really _cares_ about you.

Every time she saw a flash of blonde hair, her face lit up for a moment because she thought it was you.

When she saw that it wasn't you, she went back to being her broody self."

"Yeah, Carmilla has always been _so_ broody. I'm surprised that I even fell for her when she had horrible manners! I can't tell you how many times I found her hair stuck in the drain or how many times I had to hunt down my yellow pillow. She was getting creative when hiding it from me. I got to a point where I just threw it on her bed and would steal hers."

"I was wondering why I saw a pillow that didn't match you at all."

"She tried to incorporate animal print into our apartment and I put my foot down. I could handle her painting a small section of the apartment black, but the animal print was the last straw!"

Danny burst out laughing and slapped her knee with for emphasis, "Yeah, Carmilla always knew how to grind your gears."

 **~*Carmilla*~**

Danny laughing once more at something Laura said was the last straw. I didn't want to make a scene here, so I waited for them to leave so I could follow them.

It was no surprise that they went back to _our_ apartment. I didn't even care if I had left, my crap was still there, so it was still _ours_.

Laura had unlocked the door and Danny followed her, just like it was a normal reoccurence.

Had Laura replaced me so quickly with Danny of all people?

I knew that she had a thing for vampires, but I thought she only had a thing for _me_.

I had slipped in before the door had closed and I could've sworn that Danny had kept it open a bit longer than necessary so I could enter.

Did she really think that I would let her do anything to _my_ Laura?

 **~*Laura*~**

Danny had followed me into the apartment and I found it really odd that she kept it open a little longer than she needed to.

"What are you doing, trying to let the heat out?"

"Sorry Laura."

"It's okay. Carmilla had paid like a centuries worth of rent anyways. She was surprised that she even had money left."

We made our way to the living room and sat on the couch, that Carmilla and I had watched movies on, together.

"Hey Laura, I need to tell you something. Can you lean in closer?"

I had a confused expression on my face, but leaned in closer anyways, like she was about to kiss me.

Danny said, "Carmilla loves _you_ and _only_ you. She is actually heart broken, which I thought she was incapable of. I do regret allowing The Dean to control me, but Carmilla had defended you until the end, even while her heart was bleeding for you.

I saw that look in her eyes when you came into the room talking about something trivial that the library did to you. I held onto her tightly and as she struggled, all she could think about was your safety."

 **~*Carmilla*~**

Something inside of me had snapped in me when I saw Danny lean in closer to Laura.

Did she really have the audacity to try to kiss Laura while knowing fully well that I could see everything?

I stepped out of the shadows, gripped tightly onto Danny's shoulder, who was surprised by it.

I used most of my strength to throw her against the wall and heard her body hit it pretty hard.

I didn't care if it caused damage to the apartment because I wouldn't let Danny take advantage of Laura in this state.

"Carmilla, what the hell?!"

Danny stood up and dusted herself off like nothing.

"I was wondering when you would step in, Fang Face."

"You had no right to do this to Laura!"

"Carm, she wasn't _doing_ anything to me!"

"But..but I saw you two…"

"She was giving me advice on how to _fix_ what was happening between us. Yeah, I brought her back here, but it was because the coffee shop was too noisy."

"Then why was Danny so damn close to you just a few seconds ago?"

"It was mainly to get a rise out of you, but also because I wanted Laura to _know_ just how much you still cared about her."

I didn't trust what Danny had said, but I looked at Laura for her reaction.

Laura nodded and I could see from look in her eyes that what Danny said was true.

"Now if you don't mind, I'm going home. I'm not getting in between you two. This is too angsty even for me."

I watched as Danny walked out of the apartment and yelled after her, "You better pay for this wall!"

"It wasn't my fault, so I won't pay a cent for the damage!"

As the door was shut, I shifted my focus to Laura, "Did you just use Danny to get to me to make me jealous?"

"No! I hate it when you assume things like that. I mean sure, it _looked_ like Danny was flirting with me, but I can assure you that she wasn't! All she wanted to do was help me realize how much I still love you, even if you're such a pain in the ass."

I was honestly at a loss for words.

Laura still loved me, even after all of this?

 **~*Laura*~**

If I could, I would totally punch Carmilla if it wouldn't have broken my hand.

It had happened once before when she was teaching me how to punch someone properly.

 **xxx**

" _Creampuff, this is a terrible idea! I'm not going to let you punch me, even if you're just "testing it out"._

" _Oh why not, Carm? I know that you wouldn't hurt me."_

" _Because it would most definitely hurt you!"_

" _Pfft, I doubt that."_

" _Laura…"_

" _Get ready, Carm, because I'm gonna knock you into next week!"_

 _I had made sure that I was copying what Carmilla had showed me._

" _Don't!"_

 _The moment that my hand had come into contact with Carmilla, I heard a sickening snap._

 _I had been a klutz when I was younger, but I hadn't actually broken anything._

" _Jeez Carm!"_

" _I told you not to punch me!"_

 _I tried to be tough like Carmilla, but I started to burst into tears._

" _Hey Babe, you'll be okay."_

" _What if it becomes deformed or something?!"_

 _Carmilla rolled her eyes, "You'll be fine if you listen to me."_

 _I gave a sigh of relief after Carmilla had told me exactly what to do._

 **xxx**

 _My arm had been in a cast because Carmilla knew that I was a klutz and didn't want me to injure myself further._

 _I frowned, "Carm, this is worse than I expected! I can't read or anything!"_

 _Carmilla chuckled, "At least it doesn't get in the way of kissing you."_

 _I blushed, "Shut up."_

 **~*Carmilla*~**

"Why would you still love me after all that I have done to you, especially in the past?"

"The past is the past, Carm, and just because you broke my heart, it doesn't mean I stop loving you. I wish I could get that through your thick skull!"

I saw her point my finger at me, "You...you always push my buttons! You don't even clean the dishes when it's _your_ turn to do it. Do I have to pull out my chart again?"

"God no, don't pull out that monstrosity! The first time I saw it, I had to wear sunglasses each time I read it."

"And I thought that _I_ was the dramatic one."

I rolled my eyes, "I need to keep you away from bright colors or you'll make me blind."

 **~*Laura*~**

It was a relief to hear that Carmilla was able to joke with me.

I didn't know how long it would last, but I didn't want it to end.

I never wanted _us_ to end, either, but it still happened.

"Carm, what happens now?"

"I don't know, Laura."

"Does this mean you're coming back?"

I saw Carmilla pause for a second, "I can't, at least not right now."

I frowned, "Why not?"

"Because I'm not ready."

"What are you waiting for?"

"I'm waiting until I can be the person that _you_ deserve. I can't give that to you, at least not yet."

I saw that Carmilla was thinking about choosing the next thing she said very carefully.

"Will...Will you wait for me, Laura?"

"Of course. I would wait for you, no matter how long."

"Would you wait a century?"

"I would if it didn't mean that I would, you know, die."

I regretted what I had said because when Carmilla had left, she talked about how she couldn't watch me die.

"Carm, I didn't mean to say that."

"I know, Cupcake."

"Would you ever consider turning me into a vampire?"

 **~*Carmilla*~**

I heard Laura say to me, "Would you ever consider turning me into a vampire?"

I sighed, "Laura, I can't do that to you."

"Why not?"

"You love the sun too much, obviously. I doubt it would be appealing to you if you had to drink blood or the fact that you couldn't sleep anymore. I know how much you just _love_ sleeping."

"Well, like my Dad said, I wouldn't want to risk getting skin cancer from being out in the sun.

I have tried blood before, remember? You made me a small shake and it actually tasted pretty good! I mean, I would have to modify it and make it healthy though.

Who needs sleep anyways? I stay up so late with you that it doesn't make much of a difference."

"This isn't some game, Laura! Once you turn, your life is over. Thankfully, you can still spend time with your Dad and friends, but you're still going to be limited. So what if you get heightened senses or are super strong? That's nothing in comparison to craving blood all the time as a newborn vampire. It took me a long time to be able to stop the cravings and wanting to make anyone that passed by me a victim. You don't know what you're asking of me."

 **~*Laura*~**

I heard the pain in Carmilla's voice when she said, "You don't know what you're asking of me."

"But you wouldn't have to watch me die, Carm."

"Of course I would. I would have to watch you die, even if it lasts for a short period of time."

"Yeah, I know I would die, but at least I wouldn't age. We could be together for the rest of our eternal lives. I know that you wouldn't let any harm come to me."

"That's not the point, Laura."

"The point that _I'm_ trying to make is that I can't live without you. The moment you left was when I felt myself die inside. You left and you took my heart with you. You were so selfish the way you left! You didn't give me the chance to explain myself, you just left."

"You made it clear to me that…"

"Oh shut up!

I tried to clear things up, but you didn't give me the time of day. You were so wrapped up in knowing that I was so busy at work.

Did you ever think that the reason I was so busy was because I was preparing myself to leave so I could spend my time with you?

You said it yourself that I didn't have to work, so I wanted to "retire", so to speak, from my job.

I know that every day that I lived and went to work was another day that I was losing with you.

I couldn't miss out on anymore days without you."

 **~*Carmilla*~**

"But I thought you loved your job more than me even if you complained every day about how you hated being in a stupid little cubicle."

"Who doesn't complain about their job?

Carm, I _want_ you, all of you.

I couldn't have that if I was stuck at a job, now could I?"

"No." I mumbled.

"Anyways, I turned in my resignation after you had left me. Danny said you were stalking me, so I'm surprised that you didn't know."

"I wasn't "stalking" you. I was just making sure that you were safe, there's a difference."

"Uh huh, sure. What was I wearing last Tuesday?"

"You were wearing a red tank top with a black blazer over it with bright blue jeans."

"See, you were totally stalking me!"

"I was memorizing what clothes you wore in case I had to make a missing person's report!"

"Hah, I know that you wouldn't allow that to happen to me."

"You're right, I wouldn't let that happen."

 **~*Laura*~**

I was so damn proud of myself that I got Carmilla to admit that she was totally stalking me.

Okay fine, she wasn't exactly stalking, but close enough!

I grinned, "Pop Quiz time! What underwear was I wearing last Sunday?"

"Seriously? I'm not a peeping tom."

"Liar! Danny said you totally saw me."

I rolled my eyes, "I knew Danny was causing trouble."

"So? I'm waiting."

"Granny panties."

"Hey! That's not funny."

I saw Carmilla smirk, "You have bad taste in fashion unlike yours truly."

"Oh come on, Carm."

"Alright. You wore a black silk one with red lacing with a matching bra. You somehow had my name embroidered in it in a dark enough grey that it would be unnoticeable. Happy?"

"You actually noticed that?"

"I have heightened eyesight, I can see everything."

"Stalking, much."

 **~*Carmilla*~**

"Stop changing the subject here, Laura. Do you really want to live the life of a vampire, knowing that you'll be hated by society? They might be accepting of two women together, but not of vampires.

I mean, the only "source" material that they have is from Twilight. At least Anne Rice's novels were close to being accurate. I wasn't sure if she had actually interviewed a vampire, but it wouldn't surprise me if she did.

The older a vampire is, the quicker they catch on fire in the sun. As the next generation of vampires came, the chance of burning like that had decreased. That's why when I go out in the sun, it starts like a sunburn, and then starts to blister.

If you watched Wynonna Earp and saw what happened to the Revenants that crossed the boundaries that kept them from harm, that is what would happen to me if I spent too much time in the sun."

"You would age that fast too?!"

"Yes. I don't drink blood so that I don't age though. I drink it because my body does _need_ it. I don't necessarily need to eat human food or drink human liquids, but I do because it tastes good."

"Like I do?"

"Yes, exactly."

I saw her stand closer to me, "So...if we continued to take be "light and casual" like before all of this, would you be okay with that?"

"No."

 **~*Laura*~**

I heard Carmilla give me a stern, "No."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to do this properly, Laura. I want us to start over. I want us to take it slow and the first thing I want to do is take you out on a first date. I don't want this to just feel like a fling like the ones I had with my study buddies in the past.

I'm not saying that you're a fling. What I'm saying is that you deserve better than that."

I saw her move closer to me until I could feel her breath on my cheek, "You and me, we'll take things slow. Just give me a week to get everything sorted out, okay? I won't allow myself to move back in until we see where we are. It wouldn't be fair to you or to me."

"Okay, Carm. Can you promise me one thing though?"

"Alright, what is it?"

"If by the time my birthday gets here and I still want you to turn me into a vampire, can you do it?"

"I will only do it if you ask me then. I hope that you'll forget about it though. Even if you're a human, you're _my_ human, my tiny gay human. I don't want you turning into a vampire make you lose that spark that makes you, well... _you_."

I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I wiped my eyes. I couldn't respond to her.

She wrapped her arms around me and held me close to her. I inhaled her scent and remained as close to her as I could.

I didn't ever want this to end because I couldn't bear to lose her again.

 **xxx**

" _I might not always like the choices you make or the way that things turned out, but I think it would be infinitely more tragic if you let that stop you from trying. If you let it turn you into me."_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I was too lazy to actually look for the scene where they were in the library watching the VHS tapes, so I'm watching Cory Xenos's "Hollstein - The Carmilla Tapes - As Long As You Love Me". (It's not a Justin Bieber song.)**

 **The scene in the beginning is the one I was looking for and I can't tell you how many times I had to go back to make sure I got the dialogue right.**

 **I'm not sure if Carmilla would talk so highly of herself or not, so apologies if it's OOC, I did my best to keep them canon.**

 **~*Carmilla*~**

I remembered being in the library, after we had escaped Vordenberg, and were in a room together. It was dusty and looked like the room hadn't been used in a while.

Laura was excited about it, but I wasn't.

I don't think that the library was my biggest fan.

The main thing that I remembered was Laura holding onto me and we awkwardly separated.

It was awkward because she had just saved me from getting beheaded, not that it was a bad way to go, I guess.

Laura, being the klutz she is, had tripped over old VHS tapes.

Of course she would trip over them, she's Laura Hollis.

 **xxx**

 _Laura was holding onto me as she caught herself from falling and was looking at me._

 _Maybe she still had a thing for me?_

 _I mean, she did just save my ass from being executed._

 **xxx**

 _Thank goodness that we separated from that awkward embrace thing._

 _Nothing like a cut on Laura's forehead or me not looking my best with my hair all messy._

 _Although I have to admit that I still looked pretty badass in my leather jacket._

 **xxx**

" _Sorry."_

" _Uh, no problem. I just tripped over...these old VHS tapes. I wonder if this is from that camera or if there's anything on them."_

 _She paused, "Come on, there's even a VCR right there."_

" _Please God, no."_

" _Look, we might be trapped here, but we are trapped with snacks. It'll be like a movie night."_

 _Always thinking about her stomach, that Laura Hollis._

 _I had to sit through what felt like literally hours of whatever the hell was on them._

 **xxx**

 _Laura has this confused look on her face as she turned off the tv while I took out the VHS tape we had been watching._

" _So…"_

" _Yep."_

 _Laura was laughing at me with a big goofy grin on her face._

" _You know you can stop any time, right?"_

 _Laura was mocking Vordenberg when she said, "She was a gloomy gal, that Carmilla Karnstein."_

 _She had her arm resting on my shoulder and leaned into me while smiling._

 _Laura, had disappeared a few moments later._

" _Oh look, that fox has nine tails!"_

" _Still killing me, Hollis."_

 **~*Laura*~**

Carmilla was at the doorstep of our apartment, or should I say, mine. She was wearing the same thing she wore on our first "date", well technically, it was the night that she brought in champagne and two glasses. The only different was that her hair was in a messy ponytail.

"Hey there, Creampuff."

"You look different."

Carmilla shrugged.

"You're always so neat and tidy, at least in the outfit department."

"I had other things on my mind while I got ready for our...first date."

"We never did get to see those stars, you know."

"No, we didn't. Is that what you want to do tonight?"

"I thought we could come to a compromise or…"

I took out a spinning wheel with random things we could do on our first date.

"Seriously?"

"What? We couldn't decide before on what to do, so I thought this would save us time."

"Sure."

 **~*Carmilla*~**

I rolled my eyes at the idea of Laura having a hand-made spinner to figure out what we would do on a date.

I put my hand on it, threw it behind me out the door, and moved closer to her.

"How about we go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art instead? I know how nerdy you are."

"I'm not _that_ nerdy!"

"You have a room dedicated to all of your history posters and books. I don't like to stare at Michelangelo's David statue replica at it's full size!"

"I put tidy-whities on him, so he's covered!"

"Thank the gods."

 **~*Laura*~**

I was shocked that Carmilla offered to take me out to a museum. She wasn't into art as much as I was. I knew that she had good taste in art though as well as fashion.

"So where are we going, Cupcake?"

"The park!"

"The park? Isn't that so…"

"Normal? Yeah. It's like super _human_ and all, but it would be something new. We could go later tonight when the stars are out since it's way more romantic."

 **~*Carmilla*~**

"Anything you say, Creampuff."

Laura had the biggest smile on her face and squealed excitedly before kissing my cheek.

"Until then, we could watch a movie together if you want. I thought we could have dinner at the park too."

"You're going all out this time."

"Well duh! You're important and this has to be done right. It has to be perfect."

 **~*Laura*~**

" _You're_ perfect, Laura. Even if we watched paint dry as a first date, it would be a magical moment because I was with _you_. I don't care what we do."

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

I tried to cough a little and wipe my eyes before she could see, but I knew that she saw me.

 **~*Carmilla*~**

I leaned forward to wipe her tears away. I wanted to kiss them away too, but felt like that was too far.

"Thanks, Carm. I don't know why I'm getting all teary eyed like a big ol' baby."

"You're far from a baby, Laura. You taught me that there's no shame in crying."

"I know that there isn't but…"

I held her close to me as she cried in my arms.

 **~*Laura*~**

I was so utterly embarrassed that I was crying all over Carmilla. I must be a sight with tears streaming down my face and who knows if my nose was runny or not.

All I knew was that it felt so magical being with Carmilla again.

I knew that I couldn't screw this up.

Even if she ended our relationship, I felt responsible for saving it.


End file.
